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{{Xavier}} |
{{Xavier}} |
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| + | {{quote|I’m three thousand years old, but I have hunted twice as many fruit flavors as that. I am anti-everything – except for the occasional chain restaurant. But what am I most anti? Being found by one of '''you'''. <br /><br />— Xavier Xander Xenos, in a message to his fans.}} |
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'''Xavier Xander Xenos''' (born, Dawn of Time), is the last known renegade fruit flavor hunter of our time. |
'''Xavier Xander Xenos''' (born, Dawn of Time), is the last known renegade fruit flavor hunter of our time. |
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== Introduction == |
== Introduction == |
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| − | As a hunter of antioxidants, Xavier Xander |
+ | As a hunter of antioxidants, Xavier Xander Xenos is best known for being anti-everything. There isn’t a single thing he is for.<ref>exceptions are made only for fast-casual dining.</ref> He is even anti the idea of being ''anti''. He is best friends with his enemies because he is anti-friendship, but then he is also anti-contradiction so he stays friends anyway. He hunts mostly things flavored with açai, blueberries and pomegranates for their anti-blandness and anti-badness and anti-anti-anti-anti-well-ordinariness. In addition to his fame as a fruit-flavor hunter, he is the only known person to know the actual pronunciation of the word "açai", a word he invented.<sup>[citation needed]</sup> |
<small>''<references />''</small> |
<small>''<references />''</small> |
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== Conspiracy == |
== Conspiracy == |
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| + | The first known sighting of Xavier Xander Xenos occurred during what conspirators call the The Bottomless App Mishap of 1998. After a successful day of blueberry hunting, Xenos was caught quite literally red-handed (due to the blueberries) indulging in an appetizer special at a diner in Tempe, AZ. Chaos ensued, as Xenos was swarmed by diner patrons begging for photos and autographs. Somehow, in all the commotion, Xenos slipped away without a trace. He hasn’t been seen since. |
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| − | A sighting of Xenos has not been confirmed in several decades. While his home base is known to be an abandoned Discovery Zone in Tempe, Arizona, he rarely takes up residence there, and is often on the move, fruit flavor-hunting, and choosing to take an "anti" stance on everything. Renegade fruit hunting enthusiasts have been on the lookout for Xavier for centuries, but sightings are difficult to come by. Here is what we know: |
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| + | Based on that encounter, and several others over the centuries, here is what we know: |
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| − | Xenos has been most often seen in a bowler hat, dark sunglasses, a trench coat |
+ | * Xenos has been most often seen in a bowler hat, dark sunglasses, a trench coat. |
| − | He has been alive for thousands of years. |
+ | * He has been alive for thousands of years. |
| − | He is never seen without a vitaminwater xxx or an air of mystery |
+ | * He is never seen without a vitaminwater xxx or an air of mystery. |
| − | Most sightings have been in the southwestern region of the continental |
+ | * Most sightings have been in the southwestern region of the continental U.S. |
| − | Like most things, Xavier is anti-technology, thereby impossible to track |
+ | * Like most things, Xavier is anti-technology, thereby impossible to track. |
== Xenos and fast-casual dining == |
== Xenos and fast-casual dining == |
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| − | The most widely-confirmed fact about Xenos is his penchant for a fast-casual eateries. He prefers to dine only at chain restaurants, and has been known to lurk in the shadows, deep in a corner booth. Although he is anti-dining out, he is also anti-denying oneself the pleasure of an appetizer sampler. Amateur |
+ | The most widely-confirmed fact about Xenos is his penchant for a fast-casual eateries. He prefers to dine only at chain restaurants, and has been known to lurk in the shadows, deep in a corner booth. Although he is anti-dining out, he is also anti-denying oneself the pleasure of an appetizer sampler. Amateur Xenos enthusiasts should start by setting up shop at a shopping mall in Tulsa. |
== How to approach == |
== How to approach == |
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== References == |
== References == |
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| + | * [https://www.reddit.com/user/XavierXanderXenosFan Reddit] |
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| − | * [link to subreddit] |
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| − | * [ |
+ | * [https://www.vitaminwater.com/products/zero-xxx/ zero-xxx] |
* Kaity, server at [redacted] in Modesto |
* Kaity, server at [redacted] in Modesto |
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Latest revision as of 02:50, 20 July 2018
| “ | I’m three thousand years old, but I have hunted twice as many fruit flavors as that. I am anti-everything – except for the occasional chain restaurant. But what am I most anti? Being found by one of you. — Xavier Xander Xenos, in a message to his fans. |
” |
Xavier Xander Xenos (born, Dawn of Time), is the last known renegade fruit flavor hunter of our time.
Introduction
As a hunter of antioxidants, Xavier Xander Xenos is best known for being anti-everything. There isn’t a single thing he is for.[1] He is even anti the idea of being anti. He is best friends with his enemies because he is anti-friendship, but then he is also anti-contradiction so he stays friends anyway. He hunts mostly things flavored with açai, blueberries and pomegranates for their anti-blandness and anti-badness and anti-anti-anti-anti-well-ordinariness. In addition to his fame as a fruit-flavor hunter, he is the only known person to know the actual pronunciation of the word "açai", a word he invented.[citation needed]
- ↑ exceptions are made only for fast-casual dining.
Conspiracy
The first known sighting of Xavier Xander Xenos occurred during what conspirators call the The Bottomless App Mishap of 1998. After a successful day of blueberry hunting, Xenos was caught quite literally red-handed (due to the blueberries) indulging in an appetizer special at a diner in Tempe, AZ. Chaos ensued, as Xenos was swarmed by diner patrons begging for photos and autographs. Somehow, in all the commotion, Xenos slipped away without a trace. He hasn’t been seen since.
Based on that encounter, and several others over the centuries, here is what we know:
- Xenos has been most often seen in a bowler hat, dark sunglasses, a trench coat.
- He has been alive for thousands of years.
- He is never seen without a vitaminwater xxx or an air of mystery.
- Most sightings have been in the southwestern region of the continental U.S.
- Like most things, Xavier is anti-technology, thereby impossible to track.
Xenos and fast-casual dining
The most widely-confirmed fact about Xenos is his penchant for a fast-casual eateries. He prefers to dine only at chain restaurants, and has been known to lurk in the shadows, deep in a corner booth. Although he is anti-dining out, he is also anti-denying oneself the pleasure of an appetizer sampler. Amateur Xenos enthusiasts should start by setting up shop at a shopping mall in Tulsa.
How to approach
In the rare event that you come in contact with Xavier Xander Xenos, you must be prepared. Here are a few tips in the event of an encounter:
- Do not shake his hand under any circumstances.
- Do not assume he is a magician. It goes without saying that he is anti-street performance.
- Do try to gather evidence (photo, a receipt, DNA sample, etc.)
- If you are his server at one of his preferred fast-casual establishments, do not offer him dessert. He will do something drastic.